The Passing of This Season...

Yesterday Emma and I said "goodbye" to our house in Granger. I've spent the last few days supervising packers, carpet cleaners, and movers, all the while preparing the house for our new tenants. I cleaned in spurts occasionally picking up the spackling blade or paint brush to touch up the walls. As I drifted from project to project I couldn't shake the death imagery that kept coming to mind. I am a very visual person and sometimes the only way I can describe emotions or situations is through pictures and symbols.

While struggling to explain to a friend the emotional detachment I was feeling as I wandering through the rooms of my house and drove through the streets of my former neighborhood, I kept picturing veils over mirrors, as they do in some Jewish communities during a time of mourning. I felt as if I had placed a veil over my emotions in regards to the death of this season of life. There was also this impression of preparing a body for burial as I lovingly cleaned each corner and dressed each flaw in my home.

There is no doubt that I am sad. I'm eating like crap, not sleeping well, restless, having stomach pains. But the emotions are not up front. There are no tears. This transition has been a long time coming. Somewhat like a loved one who has suffered and been ill for a long time. You are prepared for the death, maybe even hope for it at times, but it is still painful when it happens.

Before we left, a tearful Emma climbed up to the first landing of our stairs. I thought she was on her way to see her empty bedroom. Instead she stopped at the landing and swung her leg over the banister for one last slide.

Back in Indiana...

Emma and I left Wednesday to fly back to Granger to meet the movers. We have leased the house and our renters will be moving in next Monday. Here we are waiting at the airport with Starbucks in hand.

At the moment I am waiting for the moving van... it is FOUR hours late. I'm a bit frustrated. I can't do much cleaning or painting when there are boxes and furniture strewn throughout the house.

On top of that, our lease agreement still isn't signed because the renters wanted their lawyer to review it. Their lawyer finally got back to our realtor today and they are asking to write in that if they want to purchase the house at the end of the lease that they can purchase it for almost 20k less than what we're asking right now for it and that we will apply all of their rental payments toward the purchase price. WTH? That's a year away! I'm not prepared to lower the price that much when we don't even know what the market will be a year from now. I'm really aggravated right now... can you tell? What if this blows the whole deal? I know, I know. "What if" should not be in my vocabulary but after several years of too many of the "what if's" actually happening, I can't break the habit.

What, if anything, is aggravating YOU today? Please... take my mind off of this for a few minutes.

Raining men...

well not actually but we did have a shower for my dear friend, Kristine, yesterday. Kristine is about to give birth to The Boy (as I have gotten accustomed to calling him). We held the shower at the coffee house that Kristine and her husband, Scott, own...Larry's home away from home, Bella Vita. Lovely food, lovely friends...really...this is the stuff of life!

Desert Wanderings

I thought we were headed for Canaan. We had sold our overpriced, yard-deprived bungalow in the dry, smog-filled, traffic-infested land of Southern California for a solid profit and after the purchase our new much larger home in a green, upscale Midwestern neighborhood, still had money to sock away for a rainy day. We had experienced a peace about our new adventure and not solely based on what seemed like the promise of financial security. Every door had opened wide for us and we were eager to see what God had planned for our family of five in our new community.

I have to say that the first few months were incredible. Larry was home because we were waiting for a contract he had to start. We found a perfect local coffee house to hang out in and felt a strong calling to our church. We dove into our new life with relish. Within a few months we had some significant friendships, had gone to China on a mission trip, were starting an orphan ministry and were enjoying making our new house a home. We came home from China and began the adoption process for our sweet Madeleine who was waiting in an orphanage back in Asia, a addition to our family we hadn’t even considered while in San Diego.

Then the roof caved in. Every consulting contract that appeared on the horizon seemed to dissolve before our eyes as obstacle after obstacle kept us from moving forward. We started living on our profit from our San Diego house and, with adoption costs added to every day living expenses, we started watching our nest egg evaporate. Each consulting contract soon became the proverbial carrot…always just a little out of reach. The lean months turned into a year. A year turned into two. Our money was gone and our credit was maxed. We were down to one car and struggling to pay the bills each month.

Why had God brought us here just to let us flounder? Had we been mistaken in what we thought had been his direction? We believed we had been obedient. We believed that He had plans for us beyond what we could imagine. We certainly hadn’t imagined this.

And yet we got to see God where we had never seen him before. We met him on our patio in the melting snow where bags of groceries had been left anonymously. We found him in our mailbox where two gift cards of $200 each showed up in a blank envelope at Christmas time. We glimpsed him in the eyes of our new chosen child. Everywhere we turned, expecting to find no one, we found Him.

So, here we are. Three years after arriving in what we believed was the Promised Land, we are leaving. God has provided a job for Larry in San Diego. This is where my family is. This is where I am from. What we thought was our Canaan has been revealed to us as our desert wanderings. A place where God has been refining us, teaching us to depend on His provision and increasing our faith. He has taken two first-born over-achievers and taught us how to accept help. He has deepened our understanding of the gospel and how it should affect the way we live. And frankly, we’re not sure that our big, beautiful house in suburbia is it.

While to many people it may look as if we are running home with empty hands, we have seen the sovereignty of God at work in our lives, as individuals and as a family and it has changed us. And we wouldn’t change that for anything.

Maddie quote...

A couple days ago, as a flock of geese flew over our house (one of the many things I will miss about living here)...

"Thems geese gots lotsa family!"

When I grow up...

…I want to be Berette.

Last week, before our house went on the market officially, I received a phone call in the late afternoon from our broker. She has a potential buyer who would be in town the next morning and wanted to see the house. Larry was thousands of feet in the air traveling back from San Diego and my house was a complete disaster. So, having much faith and discipline, I knelt down and prayed for overwhelming peace and energy and dug in…NOT! I panicked! My first instinct was to grab the phone and call the most resourceful person I know who has had experience with showing houses with a house full of children…Berette.

Me (hyperventilating): “So, I’m in a panic…(I explain the dilemma)…what is the least I need to do to get the house ready to show? What should I do?”

Berette (completely calm but decidedly perky): “Ok…(side note: this is not the first time I have heard this next phrase come from Berette’s mouth)…here’s what you do! I will be over in about an hour, pick up your kids, pick up some pizza, take them back to my house at which point Jeff (her husband) will be home. I will leave all the kids there, pack up my cleaning supplies and be back over. Then we will clean your house till it shines! How does that sound?”

Me (feeling guilty…this is not what I meant when I asked, “what should I do”): “uhhhhh…”

Berette (firmly, yet STILL perky): “This is where you say, ‘sounds good, Berette. See you in a little bit.'”

Me (thankful for this lifeline and the fact that Berette is not allowing me to turn away help which I am VERY adept at doing): “Ok…thank you. I will see you in a little bit.”

Let me just say that this chick knows how to clean and how to do it quickly! What an amazing woman but really this story only scratches the surface of how God has blessed me through her.

I met Berette a couple of years ago when I was working at our Father’s Heart display at church (Father’s Heart is the orphan ministry that Larry and I oversee). She was visiting River Valley with her family and immediately expressed her delight in seeing us promoting adoption through the foster care system (it was our emphasis that week). She and her husband, Jeff, are former foster parents and have adopted all four of their children AND she has a rainbow family like us! I was so encouraged just in the span of our 5 minute chat because she absolutely radiated contagious enthusiasm (those who know her, can I hear an “amen”?).

Her family started attending the church but with three services and seven (now eight!) kids between us I didn’t have any opportunity to touch base with her again. However, several months later, she showed up on the list of people who had signed up to bring us meals after we brought Maddie home from China and she had volunteered to bring us dinner on CHRISTMAS DAY! I called her and told her that mom would be in town and she really needn’t go through the trouble. I have since learned that when Berette decides to serve, there is no dissuading her! She brought us a lovely dinner and the most amazing caramel-y apple dessert.

Since that time, I have had the pleasure of calling Berette my friend. I feel authentically loved by her. I have learned that when I have a genuine need, I can call her. She must have the spiritual gift of service because she is readily available to pitch in wherever a need exists. I had the distinct honor several months ago of accompanying her to her “swearing in” by the juvenile court judge as she was commissioned as a Court Appointed Special Advocate and prayed for her as she tackles her first couple cases. I am proud of her, blessed by her, appreciative of her tenacity and spirit and will miss her immensely. But I also know Berette and so I know that our lives will intersect again and again.

BTW- I just got home from picking up my dog at her house. She volunteered to watch him while we had a showing.

You've not been prayed over...

until my dear friend, Tori Yoder, has prayed over you! Tori is the very picture of Christ to me. She has a beautifully, sweet spirit and when she prays I feel as if I am standing under a downpour of the Holy Spirit. She has the heart of a servant and the humility of my savior and she has the ability to bring the gospel to life for me. I absolutely love to lead worship with her. Her face shines with her love of Jesus and compels you to join in. I am so very privileged to call her friend. She even gives my love of the dramatic a boost by calling me her "edgy friend"! :-) I have never met someone so wholly beautiful and I adore her. I wish a Tori into your life...you will never be the same!

Thank you, Tori...for the prayers, the hugs, the truth, the friendship, the basin, the water, the tears, the scripture, the worship and also for the honor of being a part of Kyla's birth! I love you!

Articulating Affection...

I'm going to be trying in the remaining time here in Granger to tell you about some amazing people who have walked through my time here with me in sometimes small but always significant ways.


I'd like to start with Michelle Callahan and Anita Wade who were in a small group, along with their husbands, with me and Larry during our adoption of Maddie. Their constant prayer support, encouraging hugs, genuine interest and loving care of our family will never cease to astound me.


Michelle and her husband, Rick, drove us to the airport the morning (EARLY) that we left for China. Before we left she created a personalized, specific, daily prayer list for our entire trip and distributed it to people who would be holding up our family in prayer. Anita put together a "shower" basket for me along with various cards from other friends to open at different points in the trip. They both helped with our other three kids while we were in China, even taking them to Build-A-Bear to create a special bunny together for their new little sister. Anita then came over with my sister-in-law, Becky (more on her later!) and cleaned my entire house before we returned home so that we wouldn't have to think about anything but bonding with our baby girl! And then there was the actual homecoming! In the middle of the busy Christmas season, they were there at the airport to greet us and welcome Maddie to her new home, even though we were delayed for quite some time.


These are just a couple of the myriad of ways these women supported me through an intensely emotional time. When they say they are praying for me, I believe them. That in itself is remarkable.


(Picture is from the airport at Maddie's homecoming. Anita is the blond in the black coat on the left of the photo. Michelle is the tall brunette on the right of the photo.)