Cravings

I've embarked on a new journey. A journey that I'm hoping will lead me deeper into discipline and more intimacy in my relationship with God. I've started a diet program and also a Bible Study called "Made To Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst. This week one of the discussion questions was about our cravings...

My cravings look like a puzzle piece that will fill the weird emptiness in me that comes shaped with nooks and crannies. My struggle with the medical diagnosis of depression hasn't stopped me from trying to fill those empty spaces with food...if anything it's fueled them.

I'm mean, I'm supposed to be feeling better with my medication, right? Often I don't and so I self-medicate, self-stimulate, self-mutilate with food. I know, intellectually, that I need to run to my Father at these times. I also know that my sinful tendency is to hide instead (like
Adam and Eve in the garden). It's much easier to eat in secret and pretend to the world that everything is fine.

I am struggling with letting go of this crutch and just clinging to Him. I am so used to being controlled by my emotions that when I don't "feel" him, it's hard to believe he's there. That's why doing this study and practicing this discipline is so very important to MY spiritual life. I need the discipline because my emotions are fragile and unreliable. HE is faithful. HE is eternal. HE is what I NEED.

California Dreamin'

My Friday started off early when I woke to the smell of fresh brewed coffee (Thank you, honey!). I was already packed so I got dressed and then went room to room making beds since there was going to be a showing after Larry dropped me at the airport. Everything really went so smoothly... too smoothly. At the airport I checked my bag and headed down to the gate to settle in with my new library book, Auralia's Colors (Thanks, Jen!), and my "breakfast" (see photo) while I waited for my flight. The weather was beautiful so I was confident there would be no delays and I would make my connecting flight in Chicago. I was scheduled to take off from South Bend at 9:10 am, arriving in Chicago 1/2 an hour later, leaving 40 minutes later for San Diego and arriving in SD around noon. Silly, naive girl.



As I was reading, I overhead the man across from me saying something about a flight being delayed because of mechanical problems. I butted my eavesdropping self in and asked (politely, of course!) what flight he was talking about. Ours, wouldn't you know. I got on the phone immediately and found myself on hold for over 20 minutes waiting for an agent. By this time it was clear I wouldn't make my connecting flight. The lady at the gate wouldn't make any changes to our itineraries until she had a new "arrival time" for the delayed flight. When the agent finally came on the phone line, she informed me that the flight had just been (hold your breath...) ... cancelled! I knew I had a significant advantage over the other passengers and immediately left the gate area and sprinted for the front counter. I was second in line only to find out that all the other flights (including the other airlines) to Chicago were booked until 7 pm that night. I was not happy. After much finagling, we finally settled on United paying for me to take the bus (yes, you read that right) for a THREE hour ride to O'hare airport, booked on the 8-something pm flight from Chicago to San Diego but on stand by for the 3:15 flight and 5:20 flight.




By the time I got to O'hare I was starving BUT I had to try to get on the earlier flight so I stood in line (AGAIN) and got onto the 3:15 flight (still 2 1/2 hours away) but in a really, really crappy middle seat. I took it, checked my bag and made my way through security. I hurried past all the cafes and food courts and made my way to the gate where I stood in line (AGAIN) and managed to get moved to a really crappy aisle seat. With 2 hours left I dragged myself over to the nearest cafe and ordered a turkey sandwich on whole grain bread (low WW point value) but treated myself to a beer. It had to be done.







I finally arrived in San Diego at 5:30 pm (Pacific Time) to a sky at the gloaming hour with palm trees, warm air and a cool breeze...the scent of honeysuckle wafting around me. I was home.








Today was spent with my niece and nephew in the morning. We went to Barnes and Noble and browsed and bought then headed over to Target and the dollar bins.







Later Mom and I met my dear friend, Dana, for lunch at Rubios...yay, for fish tacos!!!! The mahi mahi taco was a great low WW point option. Then tonight Mom and I met my other San Diego best buddy, Callie, and her kids at Starbucks for a while. It was so good to spend even just this short amount of time with both of them. I miss them terribly when I'm in Indiana.





So...that's my saga so far with the added bonus that when I woke up on Friday morning I was down another couple pounds. I have now lost 17 lbs since January 1st! I definitely think I deserved that beer!!!!

Losing the baggage...

I started a journey on New Years Day to be deliberate and disciplined about losing some of my baggage...in particular the baggage I carry on my ass. Since then I have heard and read of many of you making the same decision and working and struggling along with you has been an encouragement to me. We could all use little spurts of inspiration along the way even if it's just a suggestion for something new to eat that fits within your meal plan! So, as I sit down at my kitchen table to tackle some writing assignments and my Subway 6" turkey/ham sub on honey oat bread (5 grams of fiber, girls!), I decided I would first send some of my discoveries out into the blogosphere in case they are just what my soon-to-be-skinny sisters need to hear.

(Sidebar: Subway, you are free to show me some love for the product placement.)

I have basically been loosely following the Weight Watchers point plan. I say "loosely" because I'm not journaling and I'm not attending meetings. I'm keeping myself aware of the point values of food and making sure I stay under my point allowance for the day. One of my "tricks" is that I stock up on snacks and foods that have very low point values but that don't make me feel like I'm depriving myself. When I feel I'm deprived I lose heart and my big butt bounces right off the wagon. I have also found a great online support group through my momwriters group. We have to report our progress each week and that alone has made a HUGE impact on keeping me motivated. (Yes... I admit... I'm competitive AND I put way too much stock in what other people...even in cyber-space... think of me. This is also why you will never see my big huge butt in a 'before' picture on this blog.)



As for some discoveries that have helped keep me from deprivation depression...


First, there is the WW snack cakes. 1 point!!!! That's right...I said 1 point!!!! They are moist and I take itsy, bitsy little bites and savor each one and it is usually just what I need. I love the lemon ones in particular. There's something about lemon flavor that helps cut the cravings for me pretty quick... I'm not sure there's anything scientific about that but it helps me. Little secret: I keep them in the freezer. This helps me eat them a little more slowly!

Then I stumbled upon (Thanks, Dana!) Shoutin' From The Rooftop's recommendation of Van's Eggrolls (I found them in the Deli/Produce section at Wal-mart in a refrigerated display case). They are a good, hearty size and are only 2 points each!! Hel-l-l-o-o-o-o!



Of course, there is the ever popular Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches. 2 points of sheer taste bud ecstasy.






The other day I came across TheologyMom's recommendation for Broccoli slaw so I decided to try it! I added a tsp of light mayo to mine and some light Italian dressing and it was amazing!



Another new discovery was the FiberOne bars. I've had the Caramel and OMG... it is so delicious, hearty and filling! And the best part??? TWO points!





One last recommendation for today: Weight Watchers Yogurt... it is 1 point. I like to add a little fiber-full cereal for some crunch and added fiber which will boost the point value slightly but it is almost a full meal for me now that my appetite is shrinking. I particularly like the Berries and Cream flavor.





So...all my cyber-friends out there (Cyber-twin, Melissa with your 50+ pounds gone...that means YOU too!) ... what are some of YOUR tips and tricks? Share them here...

Big Butt = Smart Kids!

Who knew???

"Smart ass" has a whole new significance for me now. Thank you, Dana, for the link! I knew this cellulite would use it's power for good someday...
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/health/2008/01/04/fortin.hfh.curvy.women.cnn

Girls Scouts: Handmaidens of Satan

Why else would they make their cookie season during the month of January when fat, chubby, or simply fluffy people are trying desperately to lose weight? What fresh hell is this?

By the way, your orders are in.