Pasta Dinner, Entertainment and Silent Auction!

We are getting closer and closer to our special event to help bring Benjamin home!  In just two short weeks we will be gathering together for a fun evening of dining, entertainment, raffle opportunities and silent auction.

Menu (by Swiss Park Reception Hall & California Catering)

Pasta w/ marinara sauce and meatballs
Penne Alfredo with veggies
Pasta with pink sauce, asparagus and pasta

Caesar Salad
Rolls and Butter

Beverages (served from bar):

• Beer (YES!  It's included in your ticket price!)
• Lemonade
• Iced Tea
• Soda (variety)

Dessert Buffet Table:

• Brownie Bites
• Cheesecake Bites
• Assorted Cookies

Items Being Raffled

• Two Benefit Guest Passes to Lamb's Players Theatre (up to $96 value) (TWO pairs will be raffled off!)
• Domestic Goddess Basket
• Beautiful crochet hats (approximately 2 adult hats and 8 child/infant hats to raffle)
• Wine Basket
• Mary Kay Goodie Bag
• Gourmet-homemade Dog Biscuits
• and MORE!

Items for Silent Auction

• Surf Lessons from San Diego Surf School
• Massage at Salt Family Chiropractic
• Thirty-One Beach Themed Fresh Market Thermal Bag from Demi Woodson (total package valued at $75
• Insulated Drink Bucket, two koozies and beach towel (included personalized monogramming!) from Bundle of Stitches and Posh Monogram valued at $75
• Signed hardback copy of The Fault in Our Stars by renowned author, John Green, valued at over $65
• Pampered Chef Basket (including Stainless Mixing Bowl Set valued at $84.50) from Jeri Meek 
• Professional Photo Shoot with Rachel Rae Stella of  Silent Stories Photography (1-2 hours, up to 5 people, 25 edited photos; currently booking appts. for after August 1, 2013) Valued at $300
• Handmade Quilt by Kris Brown
• Paintball $180 Gift Certificate from Total Combat Paintball in Otay Ranch
• Designer Sunglasses from Pack and Bianes Vision, valued at $250

Entertainment

• Band - Dave Trickey and Friends
• Vocalists - Claire Trickey, Emilie Powers, Donna Angeles, Josh Powers and Vanessa Orozco
• Improv Comedy - Daniel Collins, Jesse Kendrick and Lauren Gray

Be sure to go to Bring Benjamin Home to buy your tickets TODAY!  They are $20 each if purchased by June 10 and $10 for the supervised Kid Activity Area (featuring kid friendly menu) for ages 10 and under.

SPECIAL THANKS!

Our Benjamin Brigade:  Samantha Tricky, Allison Hernandez, Pamela Brittain, Jill Powers, Anita Kranzberg, Heidi Meehan, Donna Angeles, Rikki Donahue, Brenda Ortiz, Emma Baldwin, Kaelah Lyons, Kristin Ortiz and Denise Plunk

New Global Fundraising Site Up and Running!

We can now receive donations to Benjamin's adoption fees from almost anywhere in the world!  Please share and encourage other's to share as well!  Help us set the record for fastest adoption ever!

Faith vs. Fear

The past 24 hours have been, for me, a lesson in faith and in fear.  You see, I have a son half way around the world who has a very, very serious heart defect.  Actually heart defects (plural).  It is honestly a miracle that he is alive today.  I can not say what occurred but just know that in the last 24 hours I have been an emotional wreck, just wondering if he's alive and if he's ok. 

When we were in the adoption process for Madeleine my worries centered around her emotional well-being and comfort.  Was somebody cuddling her when she cried?  Did someone get up at night with her when she had a nightmare and speak reassuring words of peace to her heart?  Does she know what it is to be cared for?

With Benjamin, it's different.  With Benjamin I wonder if he's breathing.  What is his oxygen saturation level?  Was he able to eat enough today without having a "spell"? Is his little fighting heart still beating?

Last night when I was feeling the most overwhelmed with worry, I saw a post on Facebook posted by Kay Warren.  Kay Warren's son committed suicide on April 5th.  Since the news broke about Matthew, her son, I have followed along as Kay and her husband, Rick, have dealt publicly with this tragedy.  They have been posting consistently on Twitter and Facebook both words of encouragement and requests for prayer.  Yesterday's Facebook post by Kay was significantly longer than any of her other posts had been and dealt specifically with the issue of fear and honestly about what she is facing each day as she navigates the repercussions of her son's death. (I have reposted her status update below.)

Nights are hard for us - it's easy to forget all of God's powerful promises in the darkness. So wherever you are in the world at this moment - whether in bright sunshine, gray clouds or the cloudless hours of the night - God's Word to us is real....it's true...it's reliable....it is our HOPE. "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." Mark 10:27 Pray this ...with me: Father, there are circumstances that are threatening my faith, my stability, my hope for healing, hope for better days. Your Word says that nothing is impossible with You - so I bring ________ to you right now - and I ask for You - the Impossibility-Defeating God of the Universe do what no one else can do. Release the prisoner. Heal the sick. Revive the depressed. Renew hope. Bring back the smile. Comfort the broken. Befriend the lonely. Sustain those in terrible physical pain. Hear our cries for mercy. Unleash those bound by forces beyond their ability to cope. Help us long for Heaven while living fully here and now. Open our hearts to all who grieve. I TRUST YOU. In Jesus' name - the name i love above all others - Amen."

Reading the words of this grieving mother brought to surface all the fear I have been wrestling with when it comes to Benjamin.  Her vulnerability helped to move my heart to the place where I could then pray that prayer along with her.

You see, I believe in God.  I believe he is sovereign.  What is hard for me is hearing from other Christians the exhortation to "not fear" because perfect love casts out fear, God has not given us a spirit of fear, God is in control, everything will be ok if I just trust God.  My spirit just wasn't buying it.  I've seen far too many feared possibilities become realities in my life and in the lives of those I love.  I want to trust God but the fact is that doesn't mean everything will be ok.  Shit Skubala happens.  It does. And telling myself that God is in control does not stop those things from happening.  So what do I do with that?  I refuse to bury my head in the sand and pretend that everything is alright.

What makes the difference to me is not the (although good-intentioned) suggestion that I just "not fear".  It is the underlying promise (not possibility; promise) that whatever happens...whatever happens, it will be for my good and His glory.  That is something I can hold on to when I'm wondering if my son will live.  Not that God will "make everything better" but that God will take the skubala and redeem it.  He doesn't promise sunshine and rainbows.  He does promise that he will cause all things to work together for my good. (Romans 8:28 ESV) And even though we might not catch a glimpse of that good while in the midst of the suffering, we can be "fully convinced that God is able to do what He has promised." (Romans 4:21 ESV) 

So today I am relying on the God of Joseph, who suffered much at the hands of men but God redeemed his adversities in order to save many lives.  I am relying on the God of Abraham, who in hope believed against hope that God would do what He promised.  I'm holding my fear up to my God, the God who redeems... the God who does what He promises... for my good and His glory.

Where is your faith/fear struggle today?  Is there a particular promise from God that helps you through those times of crisis?  Share it in the comments!

How do I help?

I've heard that question quite a few times in the past few weeks as we've begun this journey to bring Benjamin home.  So, for those of you who would like to contribute to a specific step in the adoption process, here is our fundraising goal page which breaks down most of the remaining costs we have left to fund.
Bringing Benjamin Home

 

 

Please feel free to "share" this with anyone you think might be interested in helping to bring Benjamin home.

Stuck

Tonight I sit with tears streaming down my face as I write this post in the comfort of my warm living room and regret the times I have remained silent.  Times I haven't said what needed to said.  Times I haven't done what needed to be done.  Times I've pretended not to know.

Scripture says: "If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them." (James 4:17; NIV)

This evening I watched the documentary, "Stuck".  I don't know what I was expecting.  I have always been passionate about adoption.  I have always spoken up for adoption as a perfectly normal way to have a family.  I have always promoted the cause of the "unwanted".  But I'm not so sure now that I've done enough.  What have I really sacrificed?  When have I really given until it hurts?  The faces of the millions of children who are currently institutionalized all over the world broke my heart in new ways.  Their stories resonated with me in way they never have before at a depth I didn't realize they could. 

Perhaps it is because we are trying so hard to get to our son, Benjamin Li, right now and have been discouraged by all the red tape and hoops we have to jump through to get to him.  It's more real to me than ever before because the need to get him home and get him treatment is so very urgent.

I challenge you.  I challenge you to join me in knowing.  Watch. Learn. And then do something.  I'm not saying everyone is called to adopt.  Write letters. Share the documentary.  Spread the word. Increase the awareness.  Support the adoptive families in your community. Sponsor foster care for an institutionalized child.

This my Madeleine.  She was "Stuck" until December 2005.  Today she is "unstuck" and is with her forever family.

This is Benjamin.  In the hospital after he contracted pneumonia in the orphanage.  Benjamin is still "Stuck".  I will not sit back and casually wait for this process to unfold.  I am going to bring my baby boy home.

This is "STUCK"

Saying Goodbye...

Today has turned out to be a pretty tough day.  We are preparing ourselves tonight to say goodbye to Little Bear who has been our family dog for about 10 years.  He has been a special part of our family and especially to Emma.

A Bridge Called Love

It takes us back to brighter years,
to happier sunlit days
and to precious moments
that will be with us always.
And these fond recollections
are treasured in the heart
to bring us always close to those
from whom we had to part.

There is a bridge of memories
from earth to Heaven above...
It keeps our dear ones near us

It's the bridge that we call love.

Author Unknown

Benjamin...

Please keep Benjamin in your prayers over the next few days... for both our adoption process and his health.  We are praying that God will continue to open doors, like He has been!  He is so faithful and knows us so very well...what kind of encouragement we each need, how much each of us can handle...  I'm elbow deep in paperwork right now so I will post more after Saturday...here is where we are right now:
4/9/13 - Melissa's physical appointment for her new life insurance policy; pick up physical reports from our primary care physician; more reading and more online courses
4/10/13 - go to the notary with the forms from our home study as well as a couple for our dossier; Social Worker is picking up the bulk of our paperwork today
4/12/13 - We will be cleaning our house like mad! :-)  (and then the girls and I have Peter Pan rehearsal)
4/13/13 - Peter Pan rehearsal till 3 pm and then our home study visit which will last approximately 4 hours!!!!  (individual interviews with us and our kiddos; house check; paper check etc)

Thank you for your prayers!

Isaiah 61:1

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.

Presenting Benjamin Li Baldwin!

We are pleased to introduce our new son, Benjamin Li, born January 3, 2008.  He is currently waiting for us in China until we can come get him.  I told our agency that this will be the fastest adoption process they've ever had.  I am one determined mama.

Home

This song is so very special to me right now...

Home (as performed by Phillip Phillips)

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Finding My Subplot in God's Story

“And once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can't go back to being normal; you can't go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time.”
― Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life

"Love does." - Bob Goff

I am being inspired.  I am learning about me... my strengths and weakness.  I've spent time charting both the positive and negative turns in my life and prayed over them, asking God to show me his redemptive purpose in the negative turns.  I starting to become someone who is very aware of my weaknesses but I also am (finally) getting a good grip on a few of my strengths. 

• I am tenacious
• I am resourceful
• I am empathetic
• I can "rally the troops"
• While every day minor irritants can throw me, I am very strong and calm in catastrophic/difficult situations
• Projects energize, inspire and motivate me

What are some things you've learned about yourself recently?  Share them in the comments!

Advocating for one of the least of these...

I want to share the story of a little boy who has been lingering in an orphanage in China for many years...watching as children around him get adopted and still not finding a forever family of his own. 

Please take a moment to visit this website and read about Jackie.  You never know... he may be your son or the son of someone you know!

http://givemeafamily.blogspot.com/2012/07/5-years-is-long-enough-jackie.html

Pass along this information, blog about him, tell your friends and family. You never know who the Holy Spirit could be prompting someone right now to adopt an older child from China.

Sometimes I... (the anniversary edition)

July 21st... our 22nd wedding anniversary... for Larry

Sometimes I…

...think we’ve been together forever

…think that time flies by too fast

…love the smell of the bathroom after you get ready for work

…wonder what you see in me

…wonder if I’ll ever be what you see in me

…am amazed by the children we share

…am amazed by the father you are

…am thankful for your ability to see the big picture and then show it to me

…enjoy your sense of humor

…appreciate your patience with me

…see things from your point of view

…don’t but love you anyway

…want to fall asleep in your arms

…am grateful that you can make a mean breakfast in bed

…am beyond myself when I realize how you love me

…am overwhelmed by how much I love you

Small doors? Not this time!

So my last post was about walking through those small doors that God opens for you and being faithful in them instead of just waiting for big doors to open.  No sooner had I posted those words, then a HUGE door opened in our lives.  We are choosing to walk through this big door, one little door at a time and allowing God to direct this journey.  This door is exciting and scary at the same time and I promise I will reveal more as we walk through the small doors.  Right now I'm holding on to God's promises that he will make a way when there is no other way.

For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
Isaiah 43:19

Are you facing some big doors?  Or maybe some small ones that God is asking you to not discount but to walk through anyway?  I would love to pray with and for you as you take the steps of faith to obediently walk through whatever door he has opened for you.  Leave me a comment and tell me how I can pray for you.

Small Doors

Today I read this in my Lysa TerKeurst devotional:

* Look for the small open doors right in front of you. I always scratch my head when I meet people that tell me they want to write and speak but aren’t willing to teach a small Bible study first. If God is calling you to do something-He’ll have a door open in front of you. But it might be a small door. Look for the small door and walk through it.

I was very convicted.  I have a tendency to look for the big open doors and get disappointed when I don't see any.  Sometimes my disappointment morphs itself into resentment.  Today I pray to learn to recognize these "small doors" and not just ignore them...that once I recognize one, I pray I walk through it...that I take the opportunity to fulfil God's will for me in that particular situation no matter how "small" it may seem.

What Kind of Tunnel Is This?

I'm in a dark place today.  Doors seem to be shutting for me in every area of my life and my question for God right now is "why?".  I long for a "calling".  I long for fulfilment of that calling. I long to be used by God.  Right now I'm struggling with why He doesn't want to use me or if He does why doesn't he show me where.  How do I reach beyond this darkness and keep up with the day to day life that is just frankly boring for me right now?  I can persevere through this but I sure would like to with some kind of light at the end of the tunnel.  This tunnel has been too long.

Today this is what I cling to...with bleeding finger nails...grasping with all my might:

Remember your word to your servant,
because you have given me hope.
This is my comfort in my trouble,
that your promise gives me life.
Psalm 119:49-50

Benediction

I think one of my favorite parts of any church service is the benediction.  I just feel like holding my hands up (and sometimes I do), lifting my face toward heaven and drinking in the blessing.  Today one of my facebook friends posted this benediction from Romans 15:13.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I cling to this blessing today as I am bound to this period of waiting. 

I'm following a voice in faithful pursuit
I'm searching my soul to do what I'm called to do
I need Your benediction, where's Your benediction?
I'm battling the odds through faces of doubt
And it would mean so much if you could send me out
With Your benediction, I need Your benediction
                          -Susan Ashton, "Benediction"

Moving Forward or Moving On

Right now I am at a stage where I'm waiting for answers.  Mostly I want answers so I can move forward or move on.  The problem comes when I start contemplating the option of moving on instead of forward.  What would that look like?  And I come up with no response.  I don't have an option B in many cases.  So do I start planning my life as if I need to move on and create a Plan B?  The fact is that I'm scared to think about moving on.  It's too ambiguous.  I'm clinging to Jeremiah 29:11 and preaching it's truth to myself over and over.  I have to.  Because the minute I lose sight of the fact that God has a plan for me (one with a hope and a future) I lose it...energy, peace, joy... I must preach this to myself and in the next second, preach it again.

What do you do when you're waiting for answers?  What are some of your coping mechanisms or truths from scripture that help sustain you?

Repost: Sometimes I...(originally Nov. 14, 2008)

Sometimes I...

...miss nursing two of my babies and wish I could have nursed the other two
...know I am more sinful that I would ever admit
...know I am more loved than I could ever imagine
...hate my undisciplined self
...can't believe how I talk to my kids
...love how I make my kids laugh
...need to get away
...am scared of eternity
...feel caught outside of time
...don't think anyone understands
...am overwhelmed by grace
...wish I shared grace more freely with others
...think there may be one more child out there that needs our family
...wake up
...worry that there isn't anything more than what is right now
...don't want "right now" to ever end
...spend too much time comparing myself to everyone else
...miss the sound of a train off in the distance and my chest hurts
...am a total bitch
...remember to apologize
...remember to forgive myself
...take him for granted
...lose myself in the smell of his neck
...am spinning my wheels
...am spinning too many plates
...am spinning tales
...like to shut it all out
...live for the applause of others
...wish I didn't care
...have standards that are too high
...root for the underdog
...wish my children would just grow up
...wish they never would
...am lazy
...realize how much I miss when I'm lazy
...spend too much time in regret
...forget how to dream
...forget how to hope
...forget how to love
...want to be sung to sleep
...feel like a burden
...want a house
...remember to be grateful
...forget
...let my emotional life be dictated by his mood
...feel safer with him than ever
...know I love him more now than ever before
...wonder if he really does love me
...marvel at the father he is to our children
...watch my babies sleep and am held captive by the moment
...remember the moment my soul met each of my child's souls and they recognized us as family

Searching for a Sign

Sometimes I'm so silly.  I tend to be an impatient person and waiting is not my forte.  I'd rather stick nails in my eyeballs then wait in line at the grocery store.  I've contemplated ramming my cart into the butt of the lady in front of me at times. You know the one... the one who took 35 items into the 15 items or less line and then has to search through her coupons AT the register instead of having them ready before hand...if I'm really lucky she has a screaming child begging for the candy that's surrounding us on all sides (thanks grocery stores everywhere for this brilliant marketing plan...we parents just can't wait for that portion of the shopping trip.)

If I'm impatient in the midst of a little shopping trip, you can imagine what a bitch I can be when I have to wait for things that are really important...like medical results, checks in the mail, houses selling and figuring out what I'm supposed to be doing with the rest of my life.  I'm there right now...hanging in the balance of a lot of "not knowing".  I read this verse the other day:

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14

I'm pretty sure that God had David write this specifically for me. (nevermind the several thousand year delay in getting to the right person)  Notice how he repeats the phrase "wait for the LORD"?  Apparently some of us I need the extra emphasis.  So I'm trying this "being strong and taking heart" thing...I've been throwing up "help!" prayers several times an hour and I think it might be working a little.  The bitch level is definitely lower than usual but I'm still searching everywhere for a sign...something that will give me the answers I'm looking for.  In the meantime, I'll keep hurling my "help" prayers up to God and meditating on this verse until it is born in my spirit and burned on my soul.

What are you waiting for? Have you found help from any promises of God?  What is encouraging you during your wait?

Promise for the Day

Promise for day: Because of the Lord's great love we are NOT consumed, for his compassions NEVER fail. They are new EVERY morning; GREAT is your faithfulness!
Lamentations 3:22-23

Have you ever felt "consumed"?  It could be either by your overwhelming responsibilities or by a toxic relationship that seems to linger or just worries about things you can't control.  So many times for me it can be all three at once.  I have the added strike against my feelings because I fight against depression on a minute to minute basis.  But the truth is that our feelings are not reality.  God promises that we will NOT be consumed.  We can trust this because His compassions NEVER fail.  God is bigger than our feelings of overwhelm, worry and breaking points.  AND he renews his compassions for us each and every morning.  What a great way to start the day...put your feelings into a truth perspective.

What consumes you today?  I'd like you to share so I can pray for you today (and that is NOT a platitude).  Bathe yourself in this promise before you carry on any further!