Grace In Small Things...

Picture day...

Frosted mug of Dt. Pepsi with lime on a very hot day...

My daughter who loves and cares for all living things...

My son finding something he loves to learn...

Home.

Our beach outing...

I didn't even want to go. My kids were completely out of sorts and I really just wanted to lock them all in their rooms, turn up the air conditioning and lay down with a good book BUT school starts on Monday and we haven't even been to the beach yet, so... off to the beach we went. It ended up being a nice break from the tension.

Grace in Small Things # 2

Today I am facing the daylight with an hour and 1/2 of sleep behind me due to overwhelming anxiety. I need this discipline...

My grace in small things today:
1. Preschool- so I can nap
2. An awesome real estate agent who advocates fiercely for her clients
3. A 10 year old who wakes up with energy and a smile almost EVERY morning
4. Cool mornings
5. Children who can dress themselves (they may not match but they can put the clothes on themselves!)

God of This City

I love this song and found this on YouTube... Kris Allen from American Idol leading his church in worship...

Grace in Small Things # 1

I am joining the ranks of Grace in Small Things. I need this right now. (Thank you, LoveDrunk! You inspired me!) You can join me...it's so simple and so often just the thing we need.

1. My new house closing this week.

2. A husband who (even though he's sick) made me my favorite kind of egg (over-easy) with a slice of toast for breakfast.

3. A preschooler who loves to use her imagination.

4. Hot coffee (made by my wonderful husband, of course) waiting when I wake up.

5. Having the memory increased on my computer so it runs like a dream (silly, huh? but so great!)

Mission and Living in Community

This is my friend, Katy. She attends Crossroads with us and today was her last day in San Diego. She and her husband, along with their four children, will be traveling cross country as they raise support for the mission field. They are currently planning on leaving for the mission field in August. It was a difficult goodbye for several reasons one of which is that I regret that I didn't have the opportunity to spend as much time as I would have liked with someone I have found so much in common with (did I just end that sentence with a preposition? Ugh). She has been such an example of grace to me in the short time I've known her. I've watched her love her children and her husband with humility and courage and delighted in the joys of seeing God miraculously provide for her in the most unusual ways.

In the midst of her family leaving, our church has been facing a major transition as well. We are moving away from a Sunday gathering/attractional service orientation to smaller Missional Communities that meet weekly and then gather all together once or twice a month. To facilitate this move, the leaders have been studying the concept of Missional Communities or "house churches". This week in particular I was convicted and energized by the areas of mission and the gospel that I have been at the very least ignoring and the worst, running full force from. (There's that damn preposition again!) This morning as our church family said goodbye to Katy and her family and prayed over them and their mission overseas, I knew that God was asking us to support them financially. My first, gut reaction was, "Wait! But I want my house! I need a house! We can't afford to commit any more money to another budget line item!" So as I sat there trying to ignore the Holy Spirit, Matt started his sermon... which was about "Living in Mission". Somewhere in the midst of the sermon he went through a list of what living on mission would be characterized by (sorry... my brain is too tired to phrase these sentence without the prep at the end!). The one that jumped out and slapped me upside the head was "foolish generosity". Oh great. Now God wasn't giving me an excuse. So I argued a little...

"Now, God... here's the deal. I know intellectually that making a commitment that financially doesn't make sense right now, in this economy would just not be wise. Besides, while I'm committed to You and to our church, I still don't 'feel' the passion for this community yet. I don't have real roots here. I'm being obedient but I just don't 'feel' it yet."

No sooner had I gone through the whole spiel then I was overcome with sorrow. Sorrow at my lack of faith, sorrow for the lost and sorrow for my lack of action. The tears just spilled. I knew that we would be making the commitment to Katy and her family. I knew it was right and I knew that I was going to have to trust that God really is sovereign and he has called us to foolish generosity.

So, this is how missional community works. As a member of our community enters into the mission that God has called her to, it has ripple effects throughout the rest of the community. It is spurring me on to live more missionally myself, pushing me toward trusting in God's sovereignty and toward obedience. THIS is what Missional Community is supposed to be.

For more information of the types of Missional Communities I am referring to, visit:

Soma Communities
Crowded House
Tim Chester's Blog
Jeff Vanderstelt's Blog

Emma and her Hilarious Giving...

Emma visited Mexico last Saturday with Larry to bring food to an orphanage and also a camp for field workers and their families (the children are left at "home" in their tin shacks for hours while their parents work in the fields). This the second time they've gone (last time Landen and Isaac went as well but this past Saturday Landen had rehearsal and Isaac had a football game). They go with a group called Hilarious Givers which was started by a friend of ours who collects food that would otherwise be thrown away and redistributes it in Mexico to people in need. The kids all love this but Emma especially enjoys befriending all the dogs and children. Her heart never ceases to amaze me.

Change is in the air...

The reality of the troubling economy keeps hitting closer to home. As you probably already know, our economy is in the tank…no where is this more true than in the state of California. This past week our legislature passed a new budget which includes many cuts and many new taxes. Now… our church meets in a middle school where we had set up a special arrangement with the principal… our “rent” was covering their custodial supply budget each month (around $800). We had a fabulous relationship with both the principal and the custodian(who is a Christian). However, this week the school district administrators informed all the schools that they will be fully required to uphold all published rates starting March 1st. This is in an effort to help fund these schools who are losing some of their funding from the state. In our particular situation this would mean a 100-200 % increase in our monthly fees. (We have NOT been singled out… other churches are getting the same news).

The problem this creates for us is several fold. Our church is in an extremely low income section of San Diego county. Our membership’s giving can not sustain an increase in fees. In fact, my brother and his wife have not received a salary in almost a year. They have been surviving on special one time gifts (from outside sources) and credit cards. Our original plan was to start a fundraising “campaign” for this mission to National City. Now, with only two weeks before our rate increases exponentially we are faced with making rapid decisions.

Out of the various options, it looks like our best one is to convert to a “house church” model. So, yesterday Matt and Larry spoke with the congregation (which averages between 80-90 people) and told them the situation and the options with the house church option being the most feasible. We so appreciated your prayers. The response was overwhelmingly positive. Now we covet your prayers as we (RAPIDLY) move into implementation mode. This will be very stressful and we need wisdom.

As I've lived the worries associated with this shift for the last few days, I have been constantly reminded of our Isaac and God's providential hand in what seemed like a bleak outlook. I know from experience that God has his hand on us and our church.

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer
in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled
to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

"Desert Song" by Hillsongs United

Isaac-The Football Stud

Loving My New Camera

Larry gave me a Canon Rebel for my birthday... I am having the best time playing with it.

Her Morning Elegance

This video has been making the rounds through cyberspace. My brother sent it to me yesterday and while I absolutely loved the video it was the lyrics that rocked me.

Many of you know but for those who don't, I suffer from dysthymia, which is basically "chronic, low-grade depression". It is difficult to describe to people and it took years to finally admit and get some treatment. I thought for years that it was a character issue or even a spiritual one. And while I believe that I face some spiritual struggles because of the depression, the depression itself cannot be written up to a "lack of faith" or "sin". The other aspect of my depression is that people are often unaware of it or are surprised when they find out that I struggle with it daily. (Yes, daily. Some days the fight is harder than others.) I believe this is for a number of reasons...in general I am strong willed and fairly functional. Also, I have a deep faith that carries me each day and a strangle hold on grace that I won't loosen my grip on. And, if I'm honest right now, I also fake it pretty well in public. There you have it.

So, back to "Her Morning Elegance". I felt like someone had gazed into the heart and head of a woman who knows, experiences what I do on a daily basis. I love the creativity in expressing something that can be so dark yet is a common daily occurrence for those of us who face chronic, low-grade depression each morning. I also love the bed in the video. I can't tell you how often I just want to stay there! It is a great metaphor that resonated with me to the core.

Here are the lyrics...watch the video! (Thank you to the artist, Oren Lavie)

Sun been down for days
A pretty flower in a vase
A slipper by the fireplace
A cello lying in its case
Soon she's down the stairs
Her morning elegance she wears
The sound of water makes her dream
Awoken by a cloud of steam
She pours a daydream in a cup
A spoon of sugar sweetens up

And she fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And she goes...Nobody knows

Sun been down for days
A winter melody she plays
The thunder makes her contemplate
She hears a noise behind the gate
Perhaps a letter with a dove
Perhaps a stranger she could love

And she fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught
By a thread
She pays for the bread
And she goes...Nobody knows

And she fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain
As it pours
And she fights for her life
As she goes in a store
Where the people are pleasantly
Strange
And counting the change
And she goes...Nobody knows

My Church

Holiday Shop and Earn Money for Your School Too!

Anyone out there doing any online shopping this holiday season? While the gas prices have gone down considerably, there is still a draw to shop online to avoid the stampedes and crowds at the shopping malls.

I don't know if you remember me mentioning this when school started but at the beginning of the school year I signed up with Box Tops for Education to help Isaac and Emma's school raise extra funds.

On their website I found they have three ways for schools to earn up to $60,000 every year! You can earn cash for your school every time you 1) shop online at the Box Tops Marketplace, 2) shop for groceries and clip box tops or 3) order books online through the Box Tops Reading Room.
Once again with the holiday season I went back out to their website and from there I followed the link to their "Marketplace". (There are more than 70 stores to choose from... and not some "no-name-can-I-trust-them-to-not-screw-me-over" stores. We're talking Target, Kohls, Limited Too, Hallmark, OfficeMax and Hotels.com. The retailers donate anywhere from .5% to 8% depending on the retailer. I had some Barnes and Noble shopping to do so I clicked on their link from the Marketplace and then signed in with my Barnes and Noble Readers Advantage card and did my shopping! EASY...and my kids' school benefits. Since I already had an account with Barnes and Noble and had previously set up my Box Tops account, everything was very smooth.

I encourage you to try it out. It's a great way to earn items for your school that aren't covered with current funding.
*An extra bonus: The BoxTops for Education website has COUPONS for the General Mills products that have those coveted boxtops!

Three Years Ago. Today.

On the other side of the world a scared,skinny little girl dressed in two layers of clothing and hugging a large stuffed pig was placed in the arms of two nervous strangers. Today they are a family. Our Madeleine Yan is a blessing we never dreamed of. I can't believe it's been three years!

She has settled into being the "baby" of the family while still retaining some of the "oldest child" tendencies she brought with her into our family. She is outgoing, inquisitive and imaginative and I can't imagine our lives without her.

For more information about adoption see How To Adopt or leave me a comment!

God Doesn't Sleep

Maddie: Mommy, is God asleep right now?

Mommy: No... the amazing thing about God is that he never sleeps.

Maddie ponders this for a moment then: He is going to be so grouchy!

Sometimes I...

...miss nursing two of my babies and wish I could have nursed the other two
...know I am more sinful that I would ever admit
...know I am more loved than I could ever imagine
...hate my undisciplined self
...can't believe how I talk to my kids
...love how I make my kids laugh
...need to get away
...am scared of eternity
...feel caught outside of time
...don't think anyone understands
...am overwhelmed by grace
...wish I shared grace more freely with others
...think there may be one more child out there that needs our family
...wake up
...worry that there isn't anything more than what is right now
...don't want "right now" to ever end
...spend too much time comparing myself to everyone else
...miss the sound of a train off in the distance and my chest hurts
...am a total bitch
...remember to apologize
...remember to forgive myself
...take him for granted
...lose myself in the smell of his neck
...am spinning my wheels
...am spinning too many plates
...am spinning tales
...like to shut it all out
...live for the applause of others
...wish I didn't care
...have standards that are too high
...root for the underdog
...wish my children would just grow up
...wish they never would
...am lazy
...realize how much I miss when I'm lazy
...spend too much time in regret
...forget how to dream
...forget how to hope
...forget how to love
...want to be sung to sleep
...feel like a burden
...want a house
...remember to be grateful
...forget
...let my emotional life be dictated by his mood
...feel safer with him than ever
...know I love him more now than ever before
...wonder if he really does love me
...marvel at the father he is to our children
...watch my babies sleep and am held captive by the moment
...remember the moment my soul met each of my child's souls and they recognized each other as family

Shameless (but hope-full) Plug

Halloween is here again...

Yes. It's true. I know you have all been waiting. Holding your breath. It's the Annual Baldwin Family Halloween Photos! Wheeeee! Unfortunately, our scanner has some issues... sorry for the smears...

The Hope Box

“Do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother… Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart” (Deuteronomy 15:7-11).

Several years ago a few women and I went through a study called "Compassion By Command", a faith-based curriculum designed to mobilize Christians to reach out to the poor. The study takes participants deep into Scripture to better understand God’s heart for the poor and the responsibility that Christians have in helping those in poverty. At the end of the study, they challenge you to come up with your own "project" to reach out to those in poverty. In the midst of our brainstorming, one of the ideas we came up with was a box for people to keep in their cars with items for the homeless people we often encounter at stoplights here in San Diego. The idea didn't take off at the time but... fast forward to the Baldwin kids' fall intercession.

Three weeks of no school when most other schools are in session. Time to kill and time to fill. I told the kids about the original idea and they kind of took off with it. My brother, Matt, who is our pastor, often says, "You don't need a church program to love your neighbor". Well, we decided to just go for it, create a box and provide empty boxes to others at church so that they could do the same thing. We created a list of practical items to which homeless people often don't have access. We made trips to the 99 Cent Store and Big Lots and stocked up on items plus a few empty plastic containers. Emma dubbed the project, "Hope Box". They were excited about putting our Hope Box together and it was fun to browse the aisles deciding what to include and explaining why to the kids.

To prepare for introducing our Hope Boxes, we printed up a list with suggested items and taped them onto the inside of each plastic container. We then drew up a "pledge" that we wanted people to sign when they picked up their empty boxes. The pledge read:

I pledge to, through the Hope Box Project, participate in redeeming my city for God. By helping to practically provide for those who are in need, I pray God will use me as an instrument of healing and as a window to the gospel. I will not use this opportunity to build my pride or feel superior but will recognize my need and my poverty and choose to identify with and fellowship with those who live and breathe financial poverty. I will use the interactions with those in need as an opportunity to move beyond “doing a good deed” into building relationships. I pledge to replenish my Hope Box when it is empty, to speak with love and act with compassion.

We introduced the Hope Box last week. We are hoping that people will return with stories... stories of hope, stories of changes (especially changes in the hearts of those serving) and stories of the Gospel in action.

I encourage you to come up with your own ideas. Share them here! I want to hear all about them.

* Here is our suggested list of items (but by no means all inclusive):

Water Bottles
Band-Aids
Gloves
Tarps
Ponchos
Neosporin
Sunscreen
Beef jerky
Trail mix
Deodorant
Wipes
Tissues
Travel Toothbrushes w/ toothpaste
Flashlights/Batteries
Granola Bars
Feminine Hygiene Products

Beer. The Safer Investment.

Many thanks to Jen at Amazing Trips for passing this on!

If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left. With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left. With AIG, you would have less than $15 left. But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.