Friday, November 14, 2008

Sometimes I...

...miss nursing two of my babies and wish I could have nursed the other two
...know I am more sinful that I would ever admit
...know I am more loved than I could ever imagine
...hate my undisciplined self
...can't believe how I talk to my kids
...love how I make my kids laugh
...need to get away
...am scared of eternity
...feel caught outside of time
...don't think anyone understands
...am overwhelmed by grace
...wish I shared grace more freely with others
...think there may be one more child out there that needs our family
...wake up
...worry that there isn't anything more than what is right now
...don't want "right now" to ever end
...spend too much time comparing myself to everyone else
...miss the sound of a train off in the distance and my chest hurts
...am a total bitch
...remember to apologize
...remember to forgive myself
...take him for granted
...lose myself in the smell of his neck
...am spinning my wheels
...am spinning too many plates
...am spinning tales
...like to shut it all out
...live for the applause of others
...wish I didn't care
...have standards that are too high
...root for the underdog
...wish my children would just grow up
...wish they never would
...am lazy
...realize how much I miss when I'm lazy
...spend too much time in regret
...forget how to dream
...forget how to hope
...forget how to love
...want to be sung to sleep
...feel like a burden
...want a house
...remember to be grateful
...forget
...let my emotional life be dictated by his mood
...feel safer with him than ever
...know I love him more now than ever before
...wonder if he really does love me
...marvel at the father he is to our children
...watch my babies sleep and am held captive by the moment
...remember the moment my soul met each of my child's souls and they recognized each other as family

6 comments:

Mom to 5...Daughter of the King said...

Sometimes I wish I was this open with others....

Paul Baldwin said...

Hey there Melissa. Good to hear from you! Hope you guys are doing well. Paul

Melissa Wagner said...

Without a doubt, you have the ability to capture what all of us thinks and feels at some point. I love ya, sweetie.

Hugs!!

Elaine said...

Lovely, honest and revealing. Glad you played along!

dad2my4 said...

I love you.

S and K said...

Beautiful post